CHAPTER 7: LEE [from the middle of chapter]
Russ: It really sounds like a success story.
Lee: It really is. We really wanted to make sure our kids were successful. We didn’t want them to come up struggling with poverty and drugs. That’s why we made the decision to move out of Compton and away from the gang violence. We didn’t want our next generation to get trapped.
R: I wanted to ask you… what prompted you to foster and adopt 8 children?
L: We wanted to give a good home to some kids. We didn’t intend to adopt eight children but it was hard for us to say no. (He laughs. His laugh is a deep belly roar and very jovial.)
My dad gave me a good sense of social service. He was a Baptist preacher and was always involved in social work and helping others. I actually did enjoy my childhood too, growing up in a large family household.
Another reason why we adopted was we didn’t have any daughters. My wife had a hysterectomy when she was 25 and couldn’t have any more children. So, we went to some adoption fairs to investigate because we still wanted some girls.
We were going to adopt some girls that were sisters and another couple was going to adopt their two brothers. One boy turned out to be too much for that couple and they were returning him to a group home. We didn’t want to see that happen, so we went ahead and took in the four member family group.
We had signed up for a program where the state allows you to have them as foster kids first before you decide to adopt them. It’s in case you change your mind… which is a really good idea because when you get kids at a certain age, you could get in over your head.
After what age do you mean?
For adoptions, the earlier you get them the better. The later you get them, the more challenge you are going to have. Their mindset is already going to be made up on what they want to do and how they are going to be acting.
Like I had one son that was already smoking cigarettes at eleven. He was hard to change. He had gotten used to doing what he wanted to do… that was his mindset.
Another boy was a challenge because I had got him when he was thirteen. The thing that helped him out was having my oldest sons in the house. With them being good students and star athletes, they made good mentors and kept him in check.
One important thing is the bigger picture. We wanted to create a different cycle for all our kids. What mattered to me was giving my children a clear path and making a way for successive generations.
I’m looking at it from the generations stand point because you’ll see a big difference… not just between mine and my kids but between my kids and their cousins. When you look at some of my sibling’s, their kids are repeating the same situations as the parents. Same ole cycle: drugs, alcohol and no education.
Some of our kids when we adopted them were eight years old and in special education classes. We got them out of special education and into regular classrooms. The parents have to be responsible for their children’s education. We didn’t rely on the schools to be responsible for our kids.
We made sure to put the time in with our kids when they were young and we made sure they got a solid foundation in education. And I believe that’s why we also have the most successful kids in our families.
Basically what we did was provide them the opportunity to get a college education. Good schools too… one of my sons turned down Harvard and Yale to go to Stanford. My oldest adopted son went to University of Arizona and my oldest adopted daughter went to Washington State University. Six of our eleven kids went to college.
Why didn’t the others go to college?
I tried to make them want it but the younger ones didn’t want it enough for themselves. You can only get your kids so far and they have to make their own minds up the rest of the way. Those that didn’t get anything didn’t want anything. That’s just it. There’s a responsibility for the parent and there’s a responsibility for the kids.
So how did you put six kids through college?
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